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I’ve reviewed insane Semo recipes so you don’t have to

I've reviewed insane Semo recipes so you don't have to

Today I will be reviewing insane semo recipes.

Once upon a time there was an insane Christian book that claimed that the devil created football as a means of destroying humanity trending on the Web. I did the dirty work of actually reading it and summarizing it. The article was so popular that I decided to turn my summaries into a weekly series called “So you don’t have to”where I find wacky bits of media (books, movies, etc.) and summarize them for your enjoyment.

If you’re an avid reader of Zikoko, you’ll know that for years we’ve relentlessly pushed the agenda that the swallow known as semo is terrible.

We can’t stop, won’t stop pushing this agenda because semo is terrible. It is the worst of all known swallows, and rumor has it that vulcanizers use it to plug holes in car tires.

This brings us to today’s issue. I recently came across a website that claims to contain: “7812 easy and tasty semo recipes.”

please say sike: r/ReactionMemes

Unfortunately, no one said sike.

Since I like suffering, I went through the website and saw terrible things.

Mom, let’s investigate.

I can imagine this tastes like sadness. Even syrup will not mask the taste of despair.

This semolina-glazed bread looks like a mutated donut that failed to create during the cloning process and now begs you to shoot it right in the face because it’s in so much pain and wants to be put out of its misery.

I just gagged… and not in a good way.

IS THAT OKRO SOUP?!

You can tell this meat pie is not normal because it happens so damn by accident. This is not okay. None of this is okay.

Again, none of those toppings will help mask the depressing taste of semo.

No.

Imagine biting into puff pastry and realizing that the texture is weird because it’s made from semo and it also has raisins in it. I will burn everyone and everything to the ground.

I blame Buhari for this. If beans didn’t get so expensive, this wouldn’t happen.

Thank God.

This gets more tacky than the skits of a struggling Nigerian Instagram comedian.

If your friends give you this for your birthday, I want you to know that they hate you. Not only do they hate you, they secretly hope you die in a… Final destination-style freak accident. Preferably one that involves a lot of pain.

The end

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